Match Reports

Competition – Round 14 (Day 1)

(Saturday 17^th February 2024)

A1 Grade

WPHC (Cameron) Vs Bye

6 Points from the Bye all but guarantees us a top 4 spot – subject to the wildcard of 10 point results in other matches.

A2 Grade

WPHC (Campbell) 7/83 defeated Sydney Lions 78

Look. That scoreboard says we secured a first innings win.

And indeed, we have won the match on first innings.

But that, loyal readers, is not because of good cricket, it’s despite some very ordinary cricket.

It began with Captain Campbell, fresh off breaking his own record for most cliches in a group chat message, losing the toss and we had to bowl.

Our opposition had nothing to play for, they’re already out of the finals race.

They had only 9 players. Half of those were fill-ins from C Grade.

A ruthless, talented team would have dispatched them with an effortless efficiency.

That is not us.

A few weeks ago, Andy Miekle bowled the worst over A2s has ever seen. Not anymore. Justin Edwards has topped it.

Campbell then made the atrocious decision to give him another over. More junk.

With the Sydney Lions bowled out for 78, James Makin opened the batting for us. Congratulations to Jamaican on his promotion to the premier grade.

Jamaican steered one straight down the throat of the gully fielder. The fielder dropped it. Jamaican then insisted on running, despite the ball being at the feet of gully. Shaan said no, obviously, Jamaican run out standing in the middle of the pitch.

You’d think a team who has played at The Glade virtually every week would know that there’s variable bounce. You’d think.

A series of us handing our wickets to the grateful Sydney Lions players, playing cross-bat shots off a length, caught out by the variable bounce and spooning straight to the fielder (remember there’s only 9 of them).

We went from 2/42 to 5/42. Yep, we lost 3/0.

The two players who can hold their head high from today are Cameron Northrop and Dean Carlin.

Both took two wickets each with some sumptuous deliveries and they combined for an unbeaten 29-run partnership (yes, we’re celebrating those) taking us to a first innings win.

Big thanks to Xander Vink for helping us out and he snared his first A2s wicket. Also Paul Vink who came to watch and then ran home to get his whites and help us out in the field when we were short.

I suggest the business of A2s could become A2s VInkorporated soon.

B1 Grade

WPHC Blue (Todd) 162 Vs Mt Colah

Needing a win and another result to go our way in order to reach the Semi-finals, the boys turned up to Headen Park all ready to take down Mount Colah, the day getting off to a sublime start with Ben Burrows’ inner pommy asserting itself by calling his Asics cricket shoes “boots” and Todd winning the toss and batting.

Hahahaha, no. Tricked you. In case anyone is unaware, I don’t think we’ve won the toss and batted at all this season. Bowl first, roll them for 50, and chase down the runs in eight overs for no loss. That’s how we operate. So if we are batting first, it’s a pretty good bet that the opps have won the toss and sent us in.

In punishment for his absolutely horrific umpiring last week, Lachie found himself demoted to number five, while Connor and Rick opened up for us. Unfortunately, the moment was tainted by Ben’s abominable commentary over the Channel Nine theme song, prompting the entire opposition to plant their hands over their ears as they walked out to the field to ignore the atrocity. He then proceeded to make an absolute meal of scoring, which was very funny.

Talking of scoring, a 21436578269^th chapter has been added to Jack Hutchinson’s impressively awful scoring abilities, the former HSC Mathematics Extension 2 Band E4 receiver insisting that a mysterious bowler by the name of M Banner dismissed our very own M Banner. While Lachie might have been the one to walk out to booming “clown music” when it was his turn to have a hit, one could petition for Jack to receive that honour next time… if there is a next time. To make matters worse for Jack, he then went and ran himself out for a duck which was a bit less funny.

With the bat, it was unfortunately an all too familiar tale. In an eerily similar situation to last week, six of our top seven made double figures, but it was Jude who top scored with 43 before he was bowled by an absolute peach. With most of our batters seemingly allergic to raising the bat, here’s what our stats look for this season regarding batters to have reached the half century mark:

• Volc – 28937980
• Connor – 2
• Sam, Lachie and probably someone else I’ve forgotten – 1

We finished with 162, Ben just finishing forty runs off of a seemingly inevitable fifty when Jack ran himself out. Just goes to show, even the “MVP” of the team can have an off day.

It’s a bit below par, but we’re still right in the game with Mount Colah 1-11 from six sizzling overs from Ben and Todd, neither batter able to see the ball due to the sheer pace in dimming light. We return next week to try and get the six points (if not potentially more depending on things), and hopefully for all of my readers’ sake it won’t be the last report of the season.

That is, unless you’re a member of the WPHCCC Red team, of whom you will be hoping very much that that will conclude our season. Best of luck to them against Glenorie, and it’s nice to know that we (almost) are assured of having a team from the Club representing us in the B1 finals.

WPHC Red (Shomik) 1/26 Vs Glenorie 152

Coming into the final round we are carefully balancing in fourth place. Fifth place is less than a game behind, meaning this match is a sudden death game (Good practice for finals). But what better team to play than first place, put us under the blowtorch and test whether we deserve to play finals. Granted, other results could confirm our place, but that is not positive thinking.

Shomik, the wizard of the toss, decided to go against our team mantra, selecting the Glenorie side to put the pads on first.

Honestly, having practice chasing is always worthwhile. This bowling unit has toiled hard this season, but to no avail in terms of strong batting targets to defend. This allowed us to bowl to a plan without fear of leaking runs.

Dominating the batting this season, Glenorie have shown great strength in their top order. However, this meant that long spells of no wickets was not the end of the world. But Mohsin, who, in the field is yet to bend over for the ball, took an absolute screamer of a caught and bowled. Catching the ball down by his toes he only realised he had taken the catch after trying to stand up and throw down the non-strikers stumps. Toiling in the hot sun, he secured another scalp, with a regulation nick to the keeper. The two openers gone, and their dent in the total minimal.

Joining us for the fielding, Jaka made his presence known, as he took an overhead boundary catch off of Amit. Now, those who know Greenway know how short those square boundaries are. Jaka was standing at square leg and myself at cow corner, and let me tell you, this was a flat fast bullet that he took overhead, and if he missed the catch it was going for six. I was nervous that it was travelling over the entire time it was in the air until the catch was completed.

Shomik has a new saying, that fielding is infectious, good OR bad.

With Jaka dismissing their captain, every catch then went to hand as Harsh made their middle order look very ordinary. Jaka taking two catches at cover and Alex taking a dipping catch at mid-off. Harsh finished with excellent figures of 3-18 from 10. Kapil and Neil bowled very tight as well, meaning that with both a lightning Greenway deck and the top batting side, we restricted their score to 152.

With only 15 overs to go, every man was scurrying away from opening duties, as Oskar was absent. But rock steady Amit took the role and batted beautifully with Sagnik. They negated the nervous opening spell while making some crucial runs. I don’t think i’ve seen such a round of applause for a duck but Amit’s resolve was a sight to behold.

Great bowling and smart death batting has put us in the strong position for next week at 1-26, and it’s only runs needed. Good luck for next week boys.

B2 Grade

WPHC (Warren) Vs ARL 6/141

This week saw us renewing our passport and packing our overnight bags to dart up the M1 for a face off against Asquith Rugby League.

Warren ‘the diplomat’ Schwartzel broke his toss losing streak of 1926295 tosses to finally win a toss today. He chose to bowl, hoping the opposition would be positive in setting a total that we would be able to chase, rather than the previous week giving them the opportunity to shut up shop and play for a draw. Unfortunately no one told him Asquith decided they’d take a draw from ball one.

First drinks they were 1/31. Nonetheless we knew we just needed a few quick ones to get back on top.

We were trying to apply the pressure but unfortunately under rule 192618c WPHCCC had reached their word count for the session and therefore we weren’t allowed to talk anymore (source Ross Anderson). So we had to stand around in the field in silence until the next session.

Next sessions started 1/80 odd. After the front line spinners couldn’t get the breakthrough and obligatory Ray ‘let’s buy ourselves a wicket’ Khamis couldn’t produce a miracle through no fault of his own (3 drop catches and a plumb lbw not given) Warren ‘genius’ Schwartzel turned to Zac ‘rip and’ Turner. Zac answered his call to arms by taking 3 excellent off spinners wickets. Just incredible stuff from our leading run scorer. So good to see. We were back in the game.

With our word count restarted the boys got their tails up and we had then 6 down. Unfortunately lightning struck and we were off the field. DJ ‘Tim Bailey’ Garrett keeping an eye on getting us back on the field whilst the boys watched not live test match cricket and played on the jungle gym.

We got back on the field but nothing to report thereafter.

Overall an up and down day but we will get them next week and chase whatever total they set. Keen to bat and give these no hope losers a taste of their own medicine.

Match Highlights and Other News

• Big Ray Khamis brings up his 196^th getting called ‘you’re a dickhead mate’ of the season. He has some work to do to beat all time club record holder Perry Waldron (7162826 times in a single season) though. (Source Ross Anderson)
• Apparently Lords has a slope? Why isn’t this discussed more
• Jacques Kallis is the best cricketer of all time – no question about it
• Why do they call them sandshoes?
• happy birthday to Nathaniel ‘red rocket’ Chidgey

C1 Grade

WPHC (Indranil) Vs Bye

No game this week. We lock in 6 points and a guaranteed game in the Finals.

C2 Grade

WPHC Blue (Mat) 6/158 Vs Berowra

Coming off what has now become widely known as one of the most scintillating victories in C2 history, the Hogs brains-trust felt if it ain’t broke there is nothing to fix.

Thus, win the toss, bat long and skittle the opposition in the penultimate over of day 2 was the oddly specific game plan.

That would take some hard work. It was hot, the grass was thick and Berowra had a young fast bowling cartel to keep things tight for long periods.

We opened up with the bromance that is Matty B and the Goat. They decided to wheel out some Andrew Hilditch (the happy hooker) impersonations in the early overs. The goat got one of the few 4’s of the day whilst Matt held out to fine leg.

DC continued to find the middle of the bat with shots that would have been bouncing back off the advertising boards at the G, barely making it 3/4’s to the boundary.

Frustration told and he skied one to mid off.

Meanwhile Sohan is knocking it around and looking very comfy at the crease. As he worked one around to deep backward square he takes off looking for 2. Unfortunately Jordan Silk tears after it and puts it an inch above the bails for a well worked run out.

The engine room of Marsden snr and Rizul get to work and take us out of a precarious 3 for not many to tea.

Unfortunately the break brings a wicket with Riz departing not long after and Marty copping one that hit a WACA crack and spat at him like a cobra.

The arvo/eve sesh is all Marsden. Snr and Jnr start to take to the tiring attack and on the sidelines Mrs Marsden regales us with the regretful tale of her one night spent at Tracks niteclub.

Unfortunately, Bronson falls a few overs before stumps. Hitchy snr plays out the day including a glorious cover drive down on one knee.

Mat remains not out on 60 odd.

The Goat leaves early to stretch.

Day 1 goes to plan.

WPHC Red (Arun) Vs Normanhurst

Scores and Match Report to follow.

C3 Grade

WPHC Blue (Rob) 4/105 Vs Castle Hill

In a gripping encounter, WPHC C3 Blues took on their rivals in a thrilling cricket match after winning the toss and electing to bat.

The team’s decision seemed to pay off handsomely as Aden and Daniel laid a solid foundation with a remarkable opening partnership. However, Daniel’s departure, caught behind off a wide full ball, brought a momentary setback.

Undeterred, Mudi joined Aden at the crease, and the pair exhibited commendable resilience, steering the innings forward. Unfortunately, the momentum took a sudden downturn as a flurry of wickets fell in quick succession, with Mudi, Buzz, and Aden departing before tea, leaving the team at 4/86.

After the break, Andrew and Kamran took charge, demonstrating composure and determination as they sought to rebuild the innings. Their partnership provided a glimmer of hope for the team’s fortunes. However, the cricketing gods had other plans as play was abruptly halted at 4:30 pm due to lightning, followed by relentless rain, which ultimately prevented any further action.

Despite the truncated contest, WPHC C3 Blues managed to reach a total of 4/105 by the time play ceased, showcasing their resilience in adverse conditions. With the match inconclusive, the team now sets its sights on the upcoming fixture, aiming to chase down quick runs and secure a victory in their final game of the season

WPHC Red (Andrew) 0/67 Vs Kissing Point 157

After a snoozefest last week at Annangrove Vs the Sydney Cats, the equation was simple: win and we give ourselves a chance at a finals berth, lose and look forward to the footy season.

The make-shift bowling cartel were hoping for a long day with the bat however that wouldn’t be the case as we lost the toss and we were sent in to bowl. Jack (4-40) and Aayush (4-23) sprayed it a bit early but both had wickets by the end of their second overs as both openers were trapped in-front, cheers Kissing Point umpires. It didn’t take long for them to both grab their second as Jack sent middle stump cartwheeling and Aayush had another successful Lbw shout, leaving Kisso 4-17 after 8 overs.

Enter the Kissing Point old boys.

After the heat got to the opening bowlers Eric (0-22) and Naughty Nath (2-28) entered the attack. After multiple scooped shots that reminded the boys of an old teammate’s stroke play in the form of Ron Marsden, the old blokes steadied the ship, rotating the strike and chipping away with multiple boundaries. However, after a few shockers in the field, the two Nathan’s would combine as Naughty Nath had old mate reaching at a wide one and feathers took a blinder in the slips.

After frustration got the better of Eric, Mickey West (0-18 off 2), was thrown the ball. After a half decent first over for his standards (only 2 balls down leg side) including a dropped catch, mickey would be sent for 13 off his second over as two balls were lost in the process, however thanks to the orienteering skills of Pete, 1 of them managed to be retrieved. Dinesh (0-7) would steady the ship as Nath took his second of the day, as Aayush showed the rest of the lads how to catch a cricket ball.

Heading into tea, Kissing Point looked to up the ante as Nath was sent straight back over his head onto the clubhouse roof, matching Mickey West in the number of balls lost. Needing a breakthrough the skip turned back to the openers as Jack took his 3rd of the day with his classic stock ball, prompting a cheeky celebration at the end of it all.

At 7-107 we’d given ourselves every chance to wrap things up as quickly as possible. Right after the tea break Jack and Aayush continued from either end. Keeping it tight and choking the inform batsman of the strike, Aayush would ruin Jacks chance of a 5-fa with 2 more LBW dismissals, once again I’d like to speak on behalf of all my fellow teammates and applaud the compliance of the Kissing Point umpires, a big step up from the rest of the competition. After a few more missed chances in the field, Jack and Aayush continued on from both ends to wrap up the innings as Jack claimed his 4th of the day to match his fellow bowling partner getting the slog out hook line and sinker thanks to the big mits of Louis Wang.

All out for 157, a valiant effort from a side at the bottom of the ladder, however most of us were cooked heading into the batting innings. Battered and Bruised, Andrew offered some words of encouragement to the rest of the team “grow some f***k**g B*!!$ and bat!!!” It seemed to have paid off as both openers Eric (20*) and Munish (37*) cruised through every ordinary bowling change thrown at them by Kissing Point as Munish put on a display of his customary slaps through the offside and Eric rotated the strike and never looked like getting out. Finishing the day at 0-67, a solid day with bat and ball, fingers crossed results go our way and we get the job done next week, fire up.

P.s. I’d like to shout out a fellow teammate in the form of Lachlan Woolough as he set the record for longest time with the pads on with no impact on the score-card. Spending 42 long overs wicket keeping and 25 overs padded up at number 3. Expect Wooly to come in next week and be dismissed for under 10, watch this space.

C4 Grade

WPHC Blue (Hiresh) 8/237 Vs WPHC Red (Ross S)

It was the second game of the C4 West Penno derby (Blue Vs Red) at the famed Campbell Park, a ground that would be loved by everyone in the Blues except Shanks who still apparently holds a grudge with the ground.

The Blues were looking to get revenge after losing a long time ago while the Reds were looking to take another victory. Hiresh won the toss much to the glee of everyone on his side (actually mainly him. He was so happy) and elected to bat first on an extremely hot day.

The Blues, without much to play for except bragging rights, sent in Mukund and Vishnu (filling in from C1s) to open the batting.

Immediately the Reds struck with Mukund nicking off to Mridul for duck. Ratul came in with Vishnu, hit a few runs before a yorker from Ram which kind of damaged his toe. He batted for a while before retiring hurt for 14.

Sparsh came in to replace Ratul in the 14^th over and continued where he left off throughout the season. He and Vishnu piled on the runs on a hot, humid day on a ground that actually wasn’t really that fast (not the Campbell Park I know. I demand justice!). It got to the point where the two batters declined pushing for twos because it was just too draining, jogging or like walking a single.

When the boundaries were there to be hit, Sparsh had no problems. His first four scoring shots were 4 boundaries, all on the leg side. They put on 124 runs for the second wicket, both players getting past 50. Vishnu was dismissed for 60 off the bowling of Muthindra. Renesh came in and didn’t last long, getting caught at square leg with a one handed grab.

Eamon rocked up and hit a few boundaries while Mukund was more invested about Bazball, chatting with the batters at the change of overs about the exploits of Duckett, Stokes, and laughing at Bairstow and Joe Root. Eamon hit a perfect six that went between the gap in the fence, allowing Sparsh to lie down and take a little breather. Eamon tried once more to get another 6 but picked out the fielder in the deep.

Then a collapse began.

The Blues went from 4/183 to 8/207 with Eamon, Sparsh, Ratul (came back and scored 5 more runs before getting bowled), Meet, and Hiresh getting out to Henry Kelly who picked up 6 wickets including Renesh earlier in the day (6/31 off 17 overs was his figures for the day). Unfortunately for Sparsh, he was dismissed LBW agonizingly short from a second 100 this season (out for 96). However, a strong partnership of 30 from Parin (23*) and Shanks (4*) put the Blues in a stronger position, both batting for an hour to close the day at 8/237 after 80 overs on a really humid day.

The Reds will be looking to take the last two wickets as soon as possible to kick off their chase, while the Blues are looking to pile on the runs as quickly as possible while Mukund will probably be focused on the 4^th test of India England and Ratul wondering if his toe will ever be the same.

The game shapes up to be an absolute belter at Campbell Park.

D1 Grade

D1 Grade

WPHC Blue (Agniva) 3/150 Vs Glenorie

With the Minor Premiership locked in, the boys made their trip up to the mighty Glenorie hills…well almost! 30 mins before scheduled start, the Glenorie captain came running to the Les Shore 2 car park saying that the game had been moved to Les Shore 1 (arguably a better ground given how slow no. 2 looked) due to a forfeit in C1s. What was concerning was that 15 mins to start, more than half the team were still stuck at the famous Dural traffic.

Agni lost the toss and we were put in to bat though we wanted to chase this game! Anyway, looking back it does seem now that it wasn’t a bad toss to lose given the heat yesterday.

Sahil and Chintan started the proceedings given Lakshya was running late and we bet Amith’s dad jokes in the car didn’t make it any better for him. We had a couple of very soft dismissals in Sahil and Chintan and were 2-16 at one stage. From there Lakshya and Anubhav built a solid partnership, the kind of temperament we would need in the semis.

Anubhav fell for a well-made 39 after tea but Lakshya played another dream inning and was not out at 73 at the end of the day. Praneel provided ample support and the pair took us to 3-150 till lightning caught us off guard and with a bit of rain lingering around, the captains decided to call it a day, with only 51 overs bowled.

We go back in next week to score aggressively and then try and bowl Glenorie out.

WPHC Red (Diggers) 81 Vs Beecroft 1/7

This is our last game of the season as we won’t be making finals this year. The game is against Beecroft at Thornleigh Oval on a hot, humid day.

Diggers surprisingly won the toss and elected to bat, which we thought was a great outcome given the humid conditions.

Unfortunately that’s where our luck finished, with Beecroft bowling very tight lines, we found ourselves 6/26 after 24 overs.

That brought Gus and Adi together to build a solid partnership of 27 before Gus fell on the score at 7/53.

Adi continued to score freely, partnering with Tim before falling on a well compiled 35 and the score 8/76.

Captain Diggers came to the crease and looked threatening with his quick singles, but the innings closed all out for 81 with Tim the not out batsman on 2* with an hour to play.

Harry and Nadit opened the bowling and we were surprised Beecroft weren’t going for the win today as they blocked and left a number of deliveries.

Harry made the break-through with a great straight delivery trapping the Beecroft opener in front LBW.

Disco and Nandit closed out the bowling and Beecroft were 1/7 of 15 overs at the end of play.

D2 Grade

WPHC (Roger) Vs St Ives 142

WPHCCC won the toss and elected to bowl at St Ives on a worm start to the afternoon.

We started well and had St Ives 4 down for 34 after 16 overs. However, as has been our usual experience this year the opposition dug in and we did not get our 5^th wicket until the 32^nd over when the score was 127.

However this released a stream of wickets resulting in us bowling out St Ives for 142 in the 42^nd over. Just as we were coming off the ground the lighting rule cut in and continued to occur further delaying the start of our innings.

Then a band of rain hit the ground and both sides agreed to call a halt to the days proceedings. Bala 5/22 an Manraj 2/41 Daniel 1/2 and David 1/15 were our wicket takers.

A good afternoon in the field especially as St Ives came into the match leading the comp.