Round 14 (Day 1) – 18 February 2023

Points Table (as at Round 13)

A Grade (Cam) – 2nd (72 points)

A2 Grade (Campbell) – 4th (27 points)

B1 Red (Birdcage) – 4th (51 points)

B1 Blue (Shomik) – 6th (36 points)

B2 (Todd) – 1st (57 points)

C1 (Kapil) – =4th (49 points)

C2 Red (Indranil) – 5th (44 points)

C2 Blue (Rob) – 6th (43 points)

C3 Red (Cameron) – 2nd (48 points)

C3 Blue (Tarun) – 6th (39 points)

C4 (Hiresh) – 6th (41 points)

D1 Red (Diggers) – 4th (50 points)

D1 Blue (Arun) – 9th (30 points)

D2 (Ross S) – 4th (58 points)

Match Reports – Round 14 (Day 1)

A1 Grade

WPHC Red (Cam) 6/163 Vs Berowra Maroon

Welcome to our readers in Australia and right around the world, our readers from Berowra who I know are tuning in and a special welcome to Tony Gaunt, Billy’s father who has recently found this column. Never has he had such access to his son’s personal life.

Rumours swirled pre-match on the fitness of skipper Cam Krang McBrien, returning back into the side after illness last week. New father Gandis was flown to Turramurra on the eve of the match to cover for Krang. Selectors waited until the final moment, clearing Krang fit to run. The red light was on.

Boy it was hot today. Stinking hot. It was a crucial toss to win, mainly because none of us wanted to field. Captain Krang needed this toss for team morale. He flipped high into the atmosphere and was successful – we won the toss. We were batting.

We were batting. There is a lord. We were batting.

Mao and Horseface opened us up and I for one was fully expecting us to be 2/0 very quickly. I had already pencilled Horse to score for the rest of the afternoon. The sun was cooking the ground, it was very warm – had the dynamic duo got us off to a great start. No wickets through the first 10 overs. Yes. No wickets.

One of the highlights from the opening session was the battle between Mao and McNay.

Mao was on debut against Berowra and probably hasn’t felt the wrath of the Berowra fielding circus. McNay had obviously read the scouting report, they knew Mao has had long concussion since Krang hit him in the head in nets in early Jan.

McNay bounced Mao and ran all the way down the wicket and told him that he looked scared. Mao held his own thought, chest pumped and told McNay to “go back to his mark and bowl.” Now read this next line like 5 year old would say it. “Go back to your mark and bowl”. McNay mocked Mao’s words, like a kindy student who has no better comeback option. Really intimidating stuff from the Berowra skipper. He cooled off at fine leg – yes fine leg as captain!?!? – between overs.

Meanwhile off the field, mass debate raged on Billy Gaunt’s love life. In the battle of the singles, he is losing comprehensively to Preeds, who really has become a Greek Adonis with the ladies – both in Australia and the subcontinent. He is good across the globe, no matter the colour of the wicket or the conditions.

Billy showed us his Hinge profile, whinging that one particular prompt was attracting the wrong type of audience. “K-Mart. What a place” was the line he is using to WOO potential ladies. Everyone remained silent with raised eyebrows – Billy himself summed it up perfectly. “You heard it first, fatties love K Mart”.

New father Gandis arrived to spectate and immediately began to rock the concentration of all on the sidelines. Billy, who was next in, was especially rocked when Gandis questioned his foreign affairs knowledge. Just as Gandis was about to tee off, Preeds missed a straight one and was out bowled.

Billy joined Mao in the centre, the heat still searing all players on the field. Billy started to build a strong innings, however he threw it all away when he lolli-popped one straight to short leg. Billy wasn’t happy, the bat was thrown towards the camp as he was walking off, he stormed away from the team to sit with his thoughts. After starting so well, we were teetering on the edge 2 down.

And this is where the typical collapse began to unravel. Mao went a few overs later, bowled through the gate. Assman went shortly after, finding midwicket on the full. Wu was plumb LBW in front. Lichaaa went two balls before tea. Just like that, we were 6/80 and in trouble.

Rumours circulated in the tea break after Preeds heard the Berowra camp talking about the Wu wicket. He was pissing and heard McNay say he always gets WURTHLESS out LBW in that fashion. Wu decided to press McNay later on – who aggressively denied ever saying it. Someone is lying – and I highly doubt it’s Preeds.

Back to the cricket, this glorious madness. Sav was joined by Tom Hando and the pair began to rebuild. Brick by brick, the runs began to come and they were able to establish a wonderful partnership – Sav bringing up yet another 50. Tom with 30 odd. They were batting well, however play was halted due to lightening in the area. Mao took it well, screaming at the umpires for an explanation why the game had been stopped. Simon Moore got his back up “LEARN YOUR RULES” he bellowed back.

With 40 minutes to go, and a mandated 30 min wait, Captain Krang waddled over to the other side of the ground to make sure Captain McNay was ok to call time early. For the sake of 10 minutes of play, there was no point waiting around surely? Wellllllll…..

Common sense prevailed eventually and stumps was called at 6/165 odd. We were on the canvas but found something at the 9 count to still show a pulse in this match.

Thank you for reading and thank you for the ongoing positive feedback. It was great to hear Berowra love this column in my timeless innings of 1 today.

To be complimented by the journalistic likes of JP Smallhorn was a Club highlight. See you next week.

A2 Grade

WPHC Blue (Campbell) Vs ARL 9/141

It’s said that God made man in the image of himself. Well, at The Garden of Headen, A2’s had a collective epiphany of biblical proportion. The man moulded in the image of God was Harry Hando.

The youngest Hando bowled two incredible spells. Never have I seen the ball beat the bat of top-order players with such regularity. Swing. Seam. Pace. The lot.

The figures. Harry finished with 2/16 from 18 overs. I’m no good at Maths, but I know that is an economy lower than 1.

He bowled TOO well. The batsman just couldn’t edge it. Harry would have had more than 30 plays and misses. It was the most sumptuous bowling, but we needed someone to bowl a fraction worse.

Enter Rowan Keating. The wily old fox. He knows not to bowl too well. He knows EXACTLY how well to bowl.

And the wickets fell. Rowan’s assortment of non-swinging straight ones netted him figures of 5/12 from 6 overs. On his very first delivery he offered up a slow, wide half-volley which the batsman duly edged into the hands of Justin at first slip. The entire team stunned that Justin managed to hold on. A surreal moment.

Tanay took two very sharp catches in the gully to go with a wicket of his own in another good spell from our King of Cool.

Not such a good day for our King of Being A Cyclist Campbell. Our skipper left the stumps at the ground at the close of play. We’ll be asking ARL to play without them for our batting innings.

B1 Grade

WPHC Red (Birdcage) Vs Normanhurst-Warrawee 2/100

Sorry for the absence of a match report again last week. After club minister of war, finance and propaganda Ross ‘Goebbels’ Anderson cut our last few match reports in half, the effort sometimes does not seem worth it. Quick recap it was at the time the worst day of cricket in the history of the Club (source Ross Anderson). However, this week we outdid ourselves.

Rocking up to NTRA on a 33 degree (feels like 39 degrees) day, we would have been mistaken in thinking we got lost and found our way to the beach. It appeared as though Kuring-Gai council just decided to dumb a bunch of sad on the playing surface for the fuck of it.

Captain Ryan ‘knobhead’ Loveridge made certain today would be the worst day ever by losing the toss. Normanhurst obliged by doing batting practice. Long story short they did not look to score all day and ended 2/100 off 60 overs.

Big Cam steamed in hard all day without any luck, Birdcage bowled erratically but struck to bring them 2/35. We thought at that stage we were into ‘em but unfortunately they dug in. Being 2 bowlers short on a day like today was tough.

Thankfully, Adam did a straight at the drinks break and rang his girlfriend which pissed the big fella off upstairs. This brought rain and the end of play. Jokes on you big fella we couldn’t wait to get off the field.

We will resume next week trying to take some wickets so we can hopefully have a bat.

Fun fact – you cannot smoke anywhere on any sports field ever (source Ross Anderson).

WPHC Blue (Shomik) Vs Castle Hill

Match scores and Report not available.

B2 Grade

WPHC (Todd) 1/24 Vs St Ives Wahroonga 62

Battle for the Minor Premiership on a hot summers day at the Home of Cricket. With the skipper running late, Connor and his lush mullet would toss the coin, and much to the displeasure of his teammate he’d lose the toss and we’d be bowling… not a good way to make friends.

Josh Elliot (2-18) would take the new pill and send one straight threw their opener to get the wickets column ticking over. We’d place the injured Paul Vink, with Paul Vink 2.0 also known as Xander Vink (0-3), who’d have the ball hooping around corners and was a handful to face… the ball also agonisingly whooping either of side of the stumps.

Pratsy (1-11) would return and claim a wicket in his first over, and then preceded to bowl 6 straight maidens, yes you read that right 6 STRAIGHT MAIDENS… cmon Rosco is that a club record?

The late arriving skipper would come on to bowl and claim and early scalp with Josh Banner taking his second catch. His Uncle Volc watching on proudly at the ground work he’d done to get Josh playing for us, and I mean who wouldn’t rather be in the field at cricket on a 35 degree day instead of at a pub drinking beers or playing a round of golf.

Huge shout out to Sam Kirkegard who was superb as always with the gloves and kept up to the stumps to Todd (4-17) and play a key role in disrupting the footwork of their stubborn opener.

Connor (1-2) would get a bowl after impressing with his 3 balls last week and claim the breakthrough of their skipper who was intent on blocking all day and claim his 50th wicket for the club!

Josh would come back and was told by their number 11 “I thought it’d be quicker” … and Josh took that personally and let one absolutely rip and clean up his stumps, and would politely question “was that quick enough for you?

We’d clean up St Ives for 62.

Connor Hindmarch (9*) and Michael Banner (8) would open the batting and get us off to a good start, a wicket close to drinks wasn’t ideal, but light and lightning ended the day early with us 1/24 requiring 39 runs to secure the minor premiership.

C1 Grade

WPHC (Kapil) 115 Vs Kissing Point 1/27

Match Report to come.

C2 Grade

WPHC Blue (Rob) 8/173 Vs Hornsby

In a crucial match that will decide our Semi Final chances, we spoke about bowling first despite the oppressive heat. We agreed this was our best chance to force the win we need to give us the best chance to win and make the Finals.

Naturally Buzz lost the toss, but to everyone’s surprise, Hornsby elected to bowl first?!

Perhaps our ‘moderate’ performances with the bat in recent matches gave them hope for an outright to push themselves up the ladder. We certainly can’t think of another reason why they’d bat.

Aden and Kamran dispelled their hopes early with a solid opening stand. It was then a showpiece partnership from Luke and Will that had us well placed at tea on 2/82. Both batters played with patience and looked to attack when the opportunity arose. It was only the worlds loopiest spinner who ended up breaking the partnership when Luke clothed one to mid on. Yet another classy innings from Luke.

Will continued accumulating runs and was backed by each of his batting partners, but he led the way today and held the innings together. Whilst battling fatigue from the heat he held his concentration and ended the day on a superb 73* He will always remember the day, not just for his runs, but the fact he got to bat in his floppy hat against the spinners so he could try and resemble a left handed Mark Waugh 😁

We will consider our options during the week and see if we bat on or declare, but either way, we need 10 wickets to make the Semis, so will need our best bowling efforts and grab every chance offered to see us through.

WPHC Red (Indranil) 8/134 Vs Castle Hill

A must win game and a hot day awaiting at Northholm Grammar.

Captain had a huge challenge in the week to get the players combination right as some core players were injured and fill-in from juniors was arranged. Luck went our way, and we won the toss and no hesitancy to bat first.

As the junior cavalry was still on way and the opening batsmen were not available, a change of batting order was necessary with Tejas and Yasith took the mantle. A steady start but unfortunate mix up in the middle lost the 1st wicket and was disheartened to see Yasith walk away with such promising display of shots.

CHRSL was preparing well for the long day and had planned to use only 4 x bowlers for the day. With tight bowling it was no easy task to score runs, but the batters kept on scoring. At tea the team was 4/84. Good starts from Akith 19, Ved 11 and Tejas 11.

In the 2nd half the weather conditions was looming, and the team considered to pick up the run rate. Aayush played a very patient game scoring 47 runs and was the last one out for the day. Reds lost some quick wickets in the middle and ended the day 8/134 in 50 overs. Game was called off due to lightning.

We return Week 2 to pick up where we left and hope to get a challenging total to defend. As last seen news in Teamsapp, Blue team is doing well and scoring big today.

Look forward to week 2 where all results possible to make the top 4 – Red, Blue, CHRSL and Hornsby fighting for the last 2 spots.

C3 Grade

WPHC Blue (Tarun) Vs St Ives Wahroonga 211

Disclaimer: it is currently 12am and I am pissed drunk at a random persons house after a big night so excuse the poor writing and punctuation.

After a long drive, the boys rocked up to Hassell Park with 1 thought in mind – to win the toss and bat.

However, skipper Tarun lost the toss and the lads were sent in to field. Pat made his comeback after being stiffed last week with Louis not even showing up as his replacement, Pat showed his worth by being hit for 4 off the first ball of the innings however brought it back nicely, beating the bat on multiple occasions. Jack at the other end toiled away as he bowled to some deadset slogger who tried hitting him for 6 every ball, however the batsman couldn’t get him away as Jack’s bowling is just elite.

Nath then entered the attack and bowled well, beating the bat on multiple occasions, however bowled the odd loose delivery that was punished which sent him out of the attack (poor Nathan).

Nearing the 50 partnership, Jamo made his comeback after attempting to rizz up the Ella’s in Terrigal and cutting off his mullet by dismissing St Ives skipper cheaply (I think it’s Jamos first wicket in 3 months). Jay then bowled an absolute peach after the break to bowl the St Ives slasher with ball that swung away then nipped in off the seam to hit the top of off stump. The lads had their tails up as Lachie had a rare trundle and took the 3rd wicket off the innings after Jack dropped the same bloke the ball before then redeemed himself the ball after dismissing the St Ives batsman who had a poor innings anyways lmao.

St Ives then built a decent partnership which saw one of their batsman move to 50 and the other to 20 before hitting one straight to Mickey West which was met with choice words from the batsman who said – and I quote “the fu$#%1ng c$¥t catches that but can’t field”. (I was thinking the exact same).

Shaq then dismissed the St Ives wicket keeper who apparently chats crap however I think he’ll keep quiet next week as he left one that smashed into his middle stump first ball. The hat trick ball saw the boys come in and Shaq bowl another straight one that somehow missed everything and left both the fielders and batsman invoked bamboozled.

The lads then had to wait a while for their next wicket as the St Ives batsman moved to 100 with his wagon wheel showing very single ball going to cow corner and square leg.

Lachie, Jack and Jamo then cleaned up the tail leaning at Ives all out for 211. (Sorry I couldn’t write more I’m trying to fall asleep on a makeshift bed for the night)

WPHC Red (Cameron) 8/141 Vs St Ives

Welcome to the exciting cricket match report of the game played on a scorching hot day. The teams were evenly matched, and the game promised to be an enthralling contest. The team batting first scored a total of 173 runs on Day One, with William playing a crucial role in helping his team put up a competitive score.

Despite the heat, the batsmen showed great resilience and managed to score runs at a steady pace throughout the day. William was the standout performer for the team, scoring an impressive 72 runs before being dismissed by a well-directed bouncer from the opposition’s fast bowler.

The other batsmen also contributed with some valuable runs, but it was William’s innings that provided the foundation for the team’s total. He played some sublime strokes and showed great temperament in the middle, which earned him the admiration of the fans and the respect of the opposition.

The opposition bowlers toiled hard throughout the day and made life difficult for the batsmen, but the team managed to hold its own and put up a decent score. The fielders were also on their toes, making some spectacular saves and taking some crucial catches to put the pressure back on the opposition.

Overall, it was an excellent performance from the team, especially considering the tough conditions they faced.

The batsmen showed great character and determination, while the bowlers and fielders backed them up with some excellent efforts in the field. With the first day’s play coming to an end, the team will be looking to build on their good start and take control of the game on Day Two.

C4 Grade

WPHC (Hiresh) 4/216 Vs Glenorie

After a horrible match last week, we bounced back. It was glorious, amazing, and comforting, and made us think that we are competent in this fickle sport and that we actually like this sport.

We were playing at Campbell Park which everyone was excited about because Campbell is like the secondary home of cricket after Greenway of course, except Shanks who was bummed cause apparently Campbell hadn’t been good to him. He might be lying or exaggerating but who knows.

Hopefully, whatever curse, jinks or evil magic that he thinks he has at Campbell, didn’t rub off on the team. Thankfully, it didn’t!

Immediately, things were looking great as Hiresh finally won a toss and in response was happily cheering and thanking any gods, goddesses, and any aliens that were up in the sky for this sheer luck that out of all times he won the toss for the 2nd time this season, it had to be in this really hot weather. We batted first on this blistering day where it looked like our opposition (St. Ives) were dreading a long day in the field. We decided for once to actually bat as long as we can and it actually worked. Woo!!!

Sparsh and Mahesh started well, getting themselves in.

Unfortunately, Mahesh was the first one to get out. In came Bala and the pair of them put on a handy partnership, going very slowly but grinding the opposition into the ground. They set us up with a great platform, putting the score up to 27 but by then 20 overs had been done. Slow going but there was a platform. When Bala got out, Jagbir rocked up to the crease looking really assured, determined, and happy. He immediately put on a partnership with Sparsh as they just kept on running, scoring, offering minimal chances and never allowing the bowlers to settle. They played for a long time in the sauna-like weather where it looked like Sparsh was just gonna melt like an ice cream or like goo, it was that hot.

As time went on, the bowling started to get a little loose and having set that platform, Sparsh and Jagbir started to score quickly, scoring boundaries when they came including both of them playing these amazing pull shots and lofted straight drives. They put on 79 together for the 3rd wicket until Sparsh got run out for 43.

Ratul came in and got himself in before hitting shots all around the park. He scored really quickly, lofting, pulling, hooking, driving, punching and all the adjectives that we hear from cricket commentary. Jagbir looked as comfortable at the crease against the spinners, impressing everyone as he pushed a lot of singles and pounced on anything short. He pushed his way through to his 50, then in the 60’s and then the 70’s, taking advantage of some of the St. Ives players leaving early.

Ratul benefited with them having less fielders as he really had a knack for picking out the best places on the ground where they didn’t have fielders, making them think they had a chance of catching that if there was a fielder there. False hope which is the best kind of hope for us to see when it’s not us on the receiving end of it. They put on 95 for the 4th wicket, scoring at a rapid rate, before Ratul got bowled within the close of play for 57. Renesh helped Jagbir end the day well.

Huge shout out for Jagbir.

At 13 years old, he looked so amazingly composed as he took apart their spinners and was strong against their pace bowlers but most importantly his defence was on point, absolutely rock solid. He’s on 85 not out, looking to press on next week to help the team get a huge total on the board and then knowing his skill, he’ll probably take a wicket first ball of his spell like he had done twice this season.

At the close of play, we’re at 4/216, making us extremely happy and making us wonder what the heck have we been doing before. We’ll try to put a strong total on the board to get the W which would be a muey bueno way to end the season. Woo!!!

D1 Grade

WPHC Red (Diggers) Vs Hornsby 3/205

The less said about today the better really.

We lost the toss and, on a stinking hot day at Les Shore, we found ourselves bowling first against the comp leaders, Hornsby.

Connor bowled really well again and he got an early wicket. Disco grabbed one too and at 2/60, Hornsby were looking slightly shaky.

Unfortunately that’s where the fun ended. The young Hornsby batters put on 147 for the third wicket before lightning put an end to our misery just before 5 with the score on 3/205.

Special thanks to Harry’s dad Ben for helping out in the field, giving some of our guys a much needed breather from the oppressive conditions.

Will see what happens next week. Not sure if Hornsby will bat on or send us straight in. Lots of work for us to do either way.

WPHC Blue (Arun) 0/4 Vs Normanhurst-Warrawee 95

This was Blue’s final game of the season.

So, the team arrived at the ground, pumped up and ready to go. Captain Arun warns the team that the weather will be hot and brings enough fluid to keep them hydrated. And he was not wrong; it was probably the hottest day we would play on in the last two seasons. Captain Arun was determined that if he won the toss, he would bat, but luck was not on his side.

Our opening bowling pair, Praneel and Mridul, began with some unplayable pace and swing, and Normo’s batsmen began to wonder which was more unbearable, the heat or the West Penno’s pace attack. But it was our very old Mr.Gunna, AKA “Cheetah,” who made the first breakthrough. When captain Arun made the first change with “Cheetah”, Normo’s young batsmen thought they had finally gotten some relief from the pace, but they had no idea that the Ravi would start showing some magic with the accurate line, length, and late swing.

He took both of the opening pairs. Mridul was so inspired by this that he smashed the stumps of their 3rd and 4th Normo’s batsmen had already lost 5 wickets before they realised what was happening. However, one of their young guns held the innings and played almost until the end with incredible patience.

Praneel was frustrated because he was the one who brought the unplayable pace but had yet to take a wicket while Mridul, Ravi, Nirav, Chintan, and Amith were firing with the bowl. Then Captain Arun brought him back with the other end, and Praneel kept going. He broke the pairs who had played the longest innings. Praneel bowled one of them at a breakneck pace. Before they returned to their friends, Captain Arun overheard the pair chatting and said, “Be careful, this guy is fast,” referring to Praneel.

Overall, West Penno had a fantastic and productive day. We got them all out in 95 runs, and the onus is now on the batsmen. Captain Arun chose Sahil as his opening partner and played 3 overs before the game was called due to lightning and thunderstorm.

Special thanks to Siby and Sandeep for coming to the field for us and relieving our players in the sweltering heat. They have demonstrated true sportsmanship.

Ravi Gunna | 3 Wickets

Mridul Chadha |2 Wickets

Praneel Singh |2 wickets

Amith Ninan |1 wicket

D2 Grade

WPHC (Ross S) Vs Thornleigh 9/193

4th place us Vs 2nd place Thornleigh who have only lost 1 game all season. With a semi spot confirmed a win here would put us into 3rd place….

A very, very hot afternoon. So you would think if the skipper won the toss we would bat, ha ha not so…we finally won a toss and asked Thornleigh to bat, knowing that we have bowled really well in our last 2 games…

Ram and Mridal bowled a great 12 over set, very unlucky as our inability to get an LBW call continued. Our first breakthrough came in the 13th over when Henry enticed the batsman to hit through mid-wicket…..with Ross taking a sharp waste high chance to his right. 1/31….

A very tight 10 over spell between Henry and Gihan and 2 wickets to Gihan had us in a great position after 22 overs Thornleigh 3/44. A couple of overs later we were right on top when a Ram full toss was top edged with Ross taking a sharp chance over his head at first slip. Thornleigh 4/53.

Unfortunately the Thornleigh batsmen then dug in, and despite some good bowling and a sharp chance taken behind by Ray of Mridal Thornleigh were 5/88 at tea….

After the tea break we were wicket-less for the next 17 overs.

Balls into gaps, a couple of missed chances. Breakthrough finally came when Gihan took a low catch at mid-on from Henry.

Spin from both ends was frustrating the batsmen. Jake bowled a very handy spell making a breakthrough with a first ball after drinks – catch to Mridal…further wickets to Ram and Mridal with a second catch to Gihan and 3rd to Ray…had Thornleigh 9/193 as we finished our 70 overs right on 6pm.

A fantastic effort from our team in the field…and a big effort from our bowlers…Ram 2/41 (18), Mridal 2/38 (19), Gihan 2/28 (9), Henry 2/33 (14), Jake 1/13 (5)…3 catches to Ray behind the stumps, Ross (2), Gihan (2), Mridal .

I expect Thornleigh will bat on next week as they have 2nd place locked in and their skipper not out having batted since the 23rd over…..On the other hand 3rd place is still up for grabs and a solid win would give us no end of confidence as we go into the Semis.