Match Reports

Competition – Round 7 (Day 2)

(Saturday 9^th & 16^th December 2023)

 

A1 Grade

WPHC (Cameron) 97 lost to Berowra Maroon 245

Welcome to Parklands, Terra Nullius until the Saudi backed Mount Colah Cricket Club purchased it recently.

With the heat predicted, Horseface reminded us that hydration is key – we needed to drink as many fluids as possible. I purchased a Powerade flavoured water from Woolworths – let me just say, if that category manager has a spine, they/them will delete flavoured water out of the range immediately.

Despite mid-forties predicted, the HKHDCA put bodies on the line and pressed on with play.

Future A Grade captain Campbell Wallace laughed in the face of the governing body, cycling 90km and running 10km around Aramco Parklands, finishing off as Berowra arrived at the ground. Berowra decided to bat on today, interesting considering that our team batting average score hovers at circa 80 runs an innings.

They put on 20 runs – wickets closed off by Gas and Lichaaaaaaaaaa.

246 to get and all afternoon to get them. Berowra’s usual carry on like a zoo full of monkeys waned quickly after 3 overs. The heat was on, on the street. New opening batsman, K decided to farm the strike until he passed out.

After facing 16 balls, he began to wobble, sweat dripping off him, seeing two balls coming at him. His 17^th ball, he hooked one straight in the air, carbon copy of his dismissal last game. He trudged off and collapsed in the shower.

Preeds joined Sav and Sav was given a life early, clearly caught behind but given not out thanks to Simon and his obvious vertigo with the heat. A usual Berowra specialist, Preeds didn’t last long, hitting one straight to midwicket for 8. He trudged off and collapsed on top of K in the shower.

Billy joined Sav, at his newly promoted position of 4 after impressing management with his intiaiifce to go to nets during the week. No one could go with him, so unsure if he even went. He started surprisingly, finding a gap between point and gully to get off the mark. Meanwhile on the sidelines, Assman was in the rooms watching highlights of AB DeVilliers.

Luke “United Nations” Herzog spoke strongly about the need for peace in the Middle East, his usual cutting edge analysis missing when it comes to his thoughts on Israel and Palestine. Preeds was seeing blurry vision and hazy lines watching the game. Time ticked along. Sav and Billy accelerated the pace and before I could even think straight, we were at 50 and coming off for another drinks break.

Dr Diggers (note, that’s with a D) expressed concerns over umpire Simon, who collapsed in his chair like a building being demolished. From there it was over, the screens came out quickly, Simon was done. Captain K went out to square leg. Gas began to prepare the invoice for Simon on K’s behalf.

In a really cool twist to the game, Billy and Sav both elected to wear caps whilst batting. Sav, having to leave at 4pm to go to the Foo Fighters, decided it was time to put the foot down. Down the other end, Billy decided he had enough of the heat, finding the man at short midwicket. Assman DeVilliers entered the arena. “He should bat well today, these are conditions he would be used to in the Caribbean”

Well said Meiks, except I think Assman is Indian, or Bangladeshian isn’t he?? His partnership with Sav didnt last long, Sav dismissed caught and bowled. Off he went to the Foo Fighters. Campbell Wallace and Gromit came to the crease and for some reason, he copped heaps of flack from Berowra for being the new Gunny.

I didn’t know Gunny made that much of a statement against Berowra, I can barely recount half of their side if lucky. He held his own and looked the goods – be for missing a straight one plumb in front. Assman’s bad luck run continued when he played and missed, Berowra half appealed, moreso at their surprise of it just missing the bat and stumps – only for Geoff Hasler to be convinced that it was out. The finger pointed to the sky.

Assman couldn’t believe it. Foghorn Smallhorn couldn’t believe it – he is used to appealing for blatant not outs but even this was insane in the membrane for him. Assman appealed his case to the square leg umpire – the square leg umpire was Captain K, he could do nothing. The collapse was on and it only accelerated when Lichaaa and Meiks came to the crease – they both didn’t last long.

9 down and only the rain could save us – and the rain came. It was pouring but the umpires kept steaming ahead.

In a torrential downpour that would rival monsoonal conditions, J Mac was hit on the pad, on leg, by a left armer bowling around the wicket. He was given out. And that was all she wrote.

As Berowra astutely noted throughout the batting innings, our season is now on life support. It could have been worse, with K and Sav going to the Fui Fui Moi Moi’s, we could have easily lost outright today.

I actually have no idea where we are on the ladder. Anyway, see you next week.

A2 Grade

WPHC (Campbell) 144  & 2/20 lost to Hornsby 250

Stop, stoooop he’s already dead”.

A famous Simpson’s quote concerning a character being repeatedly pummelled despite there being no reason to and nothing to be gained.

Welcome to A2’s on Saturday.

Loyal readers, I shan’t bore you with a soliloquy regarding the weather, you know how hot it was. Resuming at 3/96, Hornsby needed 48 runs, WPH needed 7 wickets. We managed to get 3 before Hornsby took victory.

While this was disappointing, we would have accepted Hornsby were the better side, gone home early and enjoyed our afternoon.

No team would force another to stay out in the 40 degree field for no reason right?

Wrong.

On they batted. And on. And on. And on. It was pondered whether they was a point to all this.

It was agreed that a sphere had more points. For those familiar with the UK game show Pointless, Hornsby batting on was a pointless answer.

Still they batted.

No declaration to chase an outright. They just batted. And batted. Hours, days, weeks passed. We were seeing mirages of an oasis in the Glade bush. Visions of other Saturday activities ran through our heads.

The beach? The pub? Seeing friends or family?

I haven’t known joy for years. Birdcage took a nice catch at backward point.

At least I think he did, I really can’t be sure it wasn’t a hallucination. Finally, 10 wickets were taken, but still we could not go home.

We were forced to bat.

Like 2 marathon runners entering the final kilometre, our openers dragged themselves out to bat, barely able to stand. At 2/20 our meaningless innings was halted by rain.

Finally, we could go home. End our torturous suffering.

But no. It was insisted by the opposition that we hang around to see if we could get back on. This was insisted, while the covers were not being put on. 8 wickets on an uncovered deck would be possible.

But for the first time all afternoon, common sense prevailed and finally, after an hour of waiting, our agony was over.

Cricket is the worst sport in the world.

We’ll be back next week.

B1 Grade

WPHC Blue (Todd) 6/123 defeated Kissing Point 118

There’s not many things that question our love for cricket. 40 degree days, however, are one of that select few.

Not Xander Vink, though.

A bloke who reportedly averages the temperature of the day he plays his innings – a hypothesis that begun after his fifty in the final last year in probably about 55 degrees – he seemed ever eager to get out and bat, even turning up at the ground at 12:15, about 45 minutes earlier than most of the rest of us. His batting partner, Sam, on the other hand, was not quite so keen to weather the Venus-like conditions, opting to stay in the shade for as long as possible before whacking the pads on at the last moment possible.

But no matter their styles, whatever they did worked volumes. With Ben threatening to play Nine’s Wide World Of Sports anthem as the two teams walked to the centre of Auluba Oval (thankfully he forgot), Xander and Sam began slow, getting an idea for the flattest wicket and quickest outfield you will ever see before gradually upping the run rate against the tiring Kissing Point bowlers and accepting drinks from the umpires literally every two overs.

You can’t fault them, though. Behind in the game after our top order capitulated last Saturday evening in chase of 118 (guilty), we had to start at 5-58, with neither side keen to go for outright considering the blistering heat of the day. As the afternoon went on, Sam in particular began to see it look like a football, hitting fast bowler and spin bowler alike all around the park.

It only took us 18 overs to score the remaining 61 runs we needed for the vital six points before Sam, on 36, decided that with the two teams playing out the over, right now would be a good time to give the quotient a tiny boost with some lusty blows. Unfortunately, he did just the opposite and spanked the ball straight down mid-on’s throat, scheduling a premature end to our innings.

At the end of the day, though, with most other teams drawing, six points mean as much as the outright and with Berowra up next week in our last game before the break, this will be our chance to cement ourselves in the top four without playing either of our two byes.

Lastly, I would like to condemn the lack of commitment from teammate Jack Hutchinson to show up to the game today.

Taking the game off due to back pains that have thankfully amounted to nothing on the injury front, it is reported that Jack is too embarrassed to show his face in public after forcibly separating a family at Central station on the way back from last night’s BBL game.

For the full story, please contact either the match report writer or Ben Burrows at nosaucesubway@gmail.com

WPHC Red (Shomik) 218 drew with Glenorie 0/1

Match report to follow.

B2 Grade

WPHC (Warren) 7/201 drew with Castle Hill

How about that weather aye? Pretty bloody hot don’t you think? The heat this week was the talk of town… by now though we’ve all learnt that the only way to cool yourselves down on days like today is to talk about how hot it is. And that is indeed what we did.

Fun fact – Ross reckons it was the hottest day of his 476 years on planet earth (Source Ross Anderson. So there you go.)

Arriving at Fred Caterson Paddock Number 4 at no early than 12.58pm Ray ‘the heat card’ Khamis was absolutely shocked to see his team dressed in whites. After many expletives that Ross ‘goebbels’ Anderson would definitely redact from the match report were exchanged, Ray begrudgingly put on his whites and walked into what would be his impending death.

Big Ray had his Christmas party on Friday Night, he geared up for a quiet one until a fellow employee merely mentioned that cricket would be called off. The rubber arm was bent, the bender had begun and next thing you know it’s 8am and Ray is nervously analysing the BOM radar as if his life depended on it (it did).

We’ve all played the rain card before but the heat card was venturing into some utterly spasticated territory. Even for Ray one of the stupidest members of WPHCCCCCC this was an audacious move to say the least.

Luckily though Ray pulled up fine after following Ross ‘mother hen’ Anderson’s sage advise by not having too many beers. Ray instead opted for a concoction of party drugs that would kill most Rhinoceros’s. Thanks Ross for always keeping the Club safe and happy👍👍

Onto the cricket….

At a cool 41.2 degrees Celsius a quick check of Mathew ‘Pigby’ Digby’s scrotometer told us everything we need to know. With 47mm of gooch sweat after 3 balls it was too f**** hot to play.

Nonetheless Nathaniel ‘ginger’ Chidgey got to work, moving the ball both ways and bowling with some rapid heat. Ginger should have had a couple LBWS but the umpires were not giving anything today. It didn’t help that after the first close shout Nathaniel called the umpire a very very naughty word. He blamed his outburst on heat stroke – fair enough. Funny thing is the Castle Hill team all actually came to check on him and we had no idea what they were talking about. Pro tip guys if you do something wrong just blame the heat.

After 30 minutes we took our first drinks break only to find the temperature had risen to 42.3 degrees Celsius.

Now if ever there was a time to believe in God almighty it was now. Ray manifested his inner Pastor Dan Schwartzel and did 10 Hail Marys and 10 our fathers. Praying the dial didn’t drop below 38 degrees. To go back out at this point would have been utterly devastating.

1 hour later we got to go to the pub.

We had worked up a hard earned thirst and a hard earned thirst needs a big cold beer. Many big cold beers were drunk, the AC was cranking. There is a god after all.

God Bless and see you next week 🙏

C1 Grade

WPHC (Indranil) 7/166 drew with Beecroft 187

With some much talk about heat wave and potentially having the game called off, the team arrived at Bannockburn oval to be greeted by a freshly mowed outfield and humid hot conditions.

The opposition captain wanted to have a word about heat and safety of players, no doubt there was any intent to bowl but BOM app showed < 40C so it was game on.

Steady start by Ved 28 and Ansh 15 showed how 2-day format should be played, the 1^st wicket partnership of 37 runs. Then some cameo from Cam Bliss 20 and Akith 19 pushed the score to 100 at tea. Oliver 31 and Prashant 32 had a steady 5^th wicket partnership till rain stopped play. 66 runs still needed and only 43 over bowled.

Then the actual fun started with the opposition team looking at the sky and counting the thunder claps after every lightning and then noting the time down. This carried on for almost 45 mins before they realized that the youngish West Penno team was in no mood to let go of any opportunity.

The game commenced at 5.35 pm with only 9 overs possible in the day. Olly and Prashant pressed the accelerator on scoring rate and got us to a reasonable 8-9 runs per over requirement in the last 4 overs. However, a win was snatched away and we ended up scoring 166 losing 7 wickets.

A good show of club spirit and never-die attitude which keeps us hopeful for a win before the Xmas break. Next round stand-in captain Prashant Kumar, will look to harness this young team and welcome the one-day format.

C2 Grade

WPHC Blue (Mat) 250 drew with Normanhurst 0/40

Match Report to follow.

 WPHC Red (Arun) Vs Bye

Next game is on 16^th December when the boys play St Ives Wahroonga at Karuah.

C3 Grade

WPHC Red (Fieds) 83 lost to Berowra 4/87

What could go wrong?

We finished Day 1 with Berowra needing 42 runs with 9 wickets in hand, and knew that it was going to be 40+ degrees and we had to trek all the way to Brooklyn Dairy Oval for what could be 1-2 hours of pain.

Did I mention we only had 9 players? So may be only 1 hour of pain.

Yep – that’s what it was. 10 overs was enough for them to zoom past us, though we had the satisfaction of knocking over 2 more poles…. plus smacking the middle pole of one the batsmen.

Pat finished with all 3 wickets, taking his season tally at the halfway point to 20. Not much else to enjoy today.

We look forward to a bye next round and then a nice relaxing Xmas.

WPHC Blue (Rob) Vs Bye

No game this week with the boy’s next game on the 16^th December Vs St Ives Wahroonga @ Hassell Park.

C4 Grade

WPHC Blue (Hiresh) 228 Vs Sydney Lions 3/25

Oh how life can be unfair sometimes.

After a solid batting performance last week, picking up a nice 228 runs against Sydney Lions at Glenhaven Reserve.

Throughout the week the boys were desperate and keen to secure our second win of the season, although we knew the weather would not be favourable. Needing just 7 wickets to get (they only had 8 players), and most of their best players having f**ked off to Thailand, the W and even the outright victory looked quite possible if not for the weather having its own plans.

We all arrived nice and early with a warm breeze hitting our faces, yet it was bearable and we were all keen to play. After all, playing cricket in that heat would be better than any un-air-conditioned indoor area, and we had 3 eskys.

Unfortunately the outfield had been mowed. Their stand-in captain informed us that the temperature had exceeded 42 degrees, but luckily it dropped by the time it reached 1pm.

We started the day nicely with Eamon and Rey applying some early pressure.

They weren’t playing any shots. Ratul and Mukund had a nice bowling partnership and after one of their batters played one too many big shots, he was caught near the mid-wicket boundary to a nice catch by Shanks off Ratul’s bowling.

We took an early drinks break after 12 overs, continuing with the temperature at 41.9 degrees (they tried to stop the game there obviously). Mukund and Ratul continued nicely to a tight field, but they gave us nothing. We changed the bowlers at both ends again to try and keep the spells as short as possible, but midway through Parin’s 1st over, the square leg umpire (who had basically been staring at his phone the whole time) had a chat to the head umpire and called us off as soon as it his 42.1 degrees.

It dropped below 42 pretty much right after that but it wasn’t looking to drop below 38. We were all determined to get the win so we decided to wait out the hour and play some French cricket while we waited. With about 15 minutes left until the hour had passed, it didn’t seem like there was any hope so we sadly had to call the game off.

A very disappointing finish to a game that we can confidently say we should’ve won.

A bitter pill to swallow after we had to abandon the second day of our last match due to weather as well, a match that we almost certainly would’ve won. Both these matches being against probably the two weakest teams in the comp, we feel we deserve to sit higher than 16pts, but what can we do. We shall only do our best from now on and hope luck falls on our side eventually.

As we all arrived at the Sports Club after, we checked the weather in Glenhaven, and of course it was 37.9…

C4 Red (Ross S) 9/181 drew with Beecroft 5/44

We were certainly hoping for a big win today to consolidate 2^nd place, put more than a win between us and Beecroft Blues and take us closer to 1^st

With a couple of teams below us already with week 1 first innings points, and the top team taking 6 points for a bye, it was critical we get 6 points to keep ahead of these sides and remain close to 1^st place.

Even with injuries and illness we managed to get 10 on the field today….Great effort guys and thanks to Aden (wk1), Ani (both weeks) for filling in, and Suf for backing up week 2 as a sub whilst still recovering from an unfortunate gardening injury – lol.

20 mins before play and the BOM says 42.1. Opposition wants to call it….skipper insists we plan to start at 1 and then look at the temp. BOM is all over the place with a temp varying every few mins. 1pm comes temp now 41.4 we should be starting, but the opposition (and home team) were delayed setting cones, stumps and padding up.  At 5-29 and in heaps of trouble annoying.

We wait on the field with a stiff breeze keeping playing conditions bearable and within heat rules. (Yes everyone was watching their phones with minute by minute commentary). We start several minutes late.

With the opposition in lots of trouble, instructions from the Beecroft skipper to his players as he walks out to umpire was to keep a very close eye on their phones and yell out when we hit 42..

4 overs into play, and the call came …BOM says 42.1. Umpires and batters off the field very quickly…our guys disappointed…..Ram saying he was just warming up …..

Yes for a fleeting moment that’s what the BOM app said….but by the time we walked off the field BOM was back to 41.4 with a feels like changing very 5 minutes between 39 and 41.

For the next 45 mins the temp stayed around 41, not reaching the threshold again. Unfortunately no significant flexibility in the local playing conditions to continue when there is a continual shift up and down in the BOM every few minutes, but not enough to go back on.

Also Very frustrating…when we see the BOM weather for grounds at other matches in our grade below 42 and see results will be possible. Our Match drawn .

Wickets to Ram 3-19 (10) and Gihan 2-14 (7)

A moral victory as we were by far the best team but a disappointing result in the end. Whilst a frustrating day, it was great to play against a humble and friendly opposition.

A big thanks to Muthindra marshalling the troops in the field whilst a frustrated skipper sat incapacitated on the sideline.

 D1 Grade

WPHC Blue (Agniva) 9/170 defeated ARL 165

Hot Stuff on a Cool Field

The Weather Tango:

The day dawned with the promise of a scorcher—well, literally.

The temperature was predicted to soar to the low 40s, prompting Mridul to show off his marquee skills. Little did he know that instead of sheltering the team from the sun, it would moonlight as a rain protector! Ah, the irony of bringing a shade to dodge heat only to find it fending off raindrops and keep the scorebooks dry!

Rules, Rules, and More Rules:

Before the game kicked off, there were more rule discussions than a debate on what counts as the perfect cup of tea. Weeks of negotiations preceded the match, probably contemplating everything from the circumference of the cricket ball to the permissible shade of the players’ socks.

The Inevitable Drama:

Setting off chasing 166 runs, losing just one wicket last week was a good start. Rohan and Lakshya stepped in confidently until Rohan kissed goodbye to his wicket, courtesy of a magnificent inswinging yorker that would make even the best batsmen swoon.

Anubhav’s Misadventure:

Anubhav made an appearance, looking all set to make history until he decided to gift-wrap his wicket with what he later dubbed “the only loose shot of the season.” His contribution? A lovely catch at mid-on for the opposition.

Chintan’s Leg Cramps:

The stage was set for some test cricket elegance with Chintan and Lakshya exchanging classy shots until cramps decided to gatecrash Chintan’s party. Almost causing a run-out in the process, the cramps added an unexpected twist to the game.

The Arun Anticlimax:

Enter Arun with a smile as bright as the midday sun, only to exit without scoring a run, leaving everyone, including himself, bewildered at the sudden turn of events.

Stressful Wicket Fall:

As wickets tumbled one after another like a line of dominos, the scorers and spectators entered stress mode, probably biting nails and pulling hair in equal measure.

Amith and Chintan’s Stand: Cue Amith, who decided to bring his A-game to the party, joining forces with Chintan to stabilize the innings with a partnership that could have rivaled a bromance on and off the field.

Chintan’s Sixer Drama:

With the end in sight, Chintan took a bold leap of faith, sending the top bowler packing with a colossal six. Victory was within grasp, or so it seemed.

Sudden Tumble of Wickets:

Just when the team was preparing for the victory lap, fate intervened with the stealth of a ninja, snatching two wickets faster than a magician could pull a rabbit from a hat.

Mridul’s Rain Dance:

The Final Mridul Masterstroke: As the rain decided to gatecrash the scorching day, it was Mridul’s turn to shine.

With Nirav’s pep talk echoing in his ears, Mridul decided offense was the best defense. Two runs hereand suddenly, victory was breathing down his neck. With the scores level, Mridul unleashed his inner hero, smashing the ball over mid-off and sprinting for those three game-clinching runs. Victory was ours

Shoutout to Arun:

Let’s not forget our former skipper turned wicketkeeper extraordinaire, Arun! Filling in with aplomb, he proved that versatility isn’t just a word from the dictionary but a quality he owns.

The Weather’s Irony:

And let’s raise a toast to the weather—predicting scorching heat only to shower the players with blessings from above. Who needs a crystal ball when the weather’s mood swings are more unpredictable than a googly?

The Extras Saga:

Total runs scored off the bat 98; Total extras conceded by ARL 72 (including 49 no balls). We know bowling in Foxglove is tricky, but really?

In the end, it turned out to be a true team effort for the win – especially the coming of age innings Lakshya played, with some fantastic support from Chintan and Amith.

Bring on the one dayers!

WPHC Red (Diggers) 120 lost to Glenorie 3/125

Arriving at Northholm with our car thermometers showing 42 degrees but the instrument of torture, the BOM app, somehow showing 39, we went about trying to grab the 8 wickets needed for victory.

A very difficult chance then went down first ball and, unfortunately that became the pattern for the afternoon with a few more next hour and a half.

Between a few more chances going down and a few misfields, by the time we had our 2^nd drinks break at the 20 over mark, Glenorie only needed another 9 or so to win. Our only joy being a catch at fine leg by Disco off Harry.

Fortunately for us, the Glenorie Captain came over to us in the break and said, to our relief, that, if ok with us, they would just finish after passing our score.

Anyway, off to Warrina St next Saturday with a win vital to try and stay in touch with the top 4.

 D2 Grade

WPHC (Roger) 6/94 drew with Kissing Point 7/285 dec

Turramurra was only 39 degrees at 1:00pm so we started play with KP continuing their innings from 6 /178 till they reached 7/285.

We survived the remaining 43 overs 6/94. All that work in the heat and still only a draw.